Dear brothers (and sisters) from another color:

We here at realize that race is always a sensitive subject. That’s precisely why we decided to give y’all a lil’ more insight into what certain behaviors within the black community actually translate to. The significance may surprise you.

This whole time you thought we were:

a. Being obnoxious by improperly talking into a cellphone while it is on speaker, even though we can easily hold it up to our ear.

In actuality, we are avoiding brain cancer.

b. Putting gaudy jewelry into our mouth because we thought it was fashionable.

In actuality, we are stock-piling assets in preparation for a Ron Paul presidency.

c. Leaving the house without a shirt, knowing that we will not be able to enter most business establishments.

In actuality, we are avoiding tan lines at all costs.

d.  Buying Chrysler 300s because…well, I don’t know why y’all think we buy 300s.

In actuality, we are single-handedly supporting the domestic automotive industry.  We buy American.

e.  Eating chicken because it is delicious.

In actuality, we receive huge sums of money from a SuperPAC funded almost entirely by the Chic-Fil-A cows.  The deliciousness, while true, is merely a bi-product of our fundraising.  Before you ask, we use most of this money to reinvest in the economy, through Chrysler.

f.  Buying True Religion jeans.

In actuality, we are proudly wearing our conservative values to help promote bi-partisan dialogue.

g.  Cheating on our wives with white women.

In actuality, we’re getting revenge on Thomas Jefferson.

We truly hope this has been informative for you all today, lolololol. Happy 4th!!!

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